Often, I find myself pondering the precise moment when one can look inward and discern if they are truly recovered or still in the midst of recovery. One evening, as I sat enveloped in darkness within a New York City apartment, I reflected on this in the year 2024. Engaged in a breathing exercise, I sought to pen something profound, something that could offer solace and guidance to future generations.
In this quiet contemplation, I questioned what might compel a being like me—often self-centered by nature—to strive to help others. The first notion that struck me was a potential Messiah complex. Curiosity led me to ask artificial intelligence for an explanation, and it responded thus:
"The Messiah complex, also known as a savior complex, is a psychological state where an individual believes they are destined to save or significantly help a particular group, society, or the world at large. People with a Messiah complex often exhibit grandiose beliefs about their importance and mission, seeing themselves as possessors of unique knowledge or abilities that set them apart. This can manifest in several detrimental ways:
- Delusions of grandeur: An inflated sense of self-importance and superiority.
- Narcissism: Seeking admiration and control over others.
- Disconnection from reality: Ignoring feedback or criticism.
- Manipulation: Trying to control others to fulfill their perceived mission.
- Overextension: Failing to recognize personal limitations and vulnerabilities.
Such a mindset can lead to dysfunctional behaviors and strained relationships, and those exhibiting these traits should seek professional help to gain a realistic self-understanding."
I found this insightful yet distant from my own tendencies. I possess a continual drive for self-improvement, an affinity for therapy, and a willingness to admit my faults—traits that arguably disqualify me from narcissism.
Returning to my breath, I questioned the value of this exploration. Was it worth the effort? I concluded that the term 'Messiah' should be reserved for the few until true salvation graces humanity. My drive is not born from grandiosity but from a deep-seated need for activity, creation, connection, and care. I desire to be with good people, close to nature, to care for my children and wife, to run my business, maintain my health, and clean up the beaches. Immortality need not be a legacy remembered by name; it can be the reward of a life well-lived in the present.
It is foolish to build palaces for oneself to enjoy posthumously. Kings who erected monuments to their own glory led humanity astray, making us reliant on central authorities—the first of which were the strongest males. This primal imprint in our genetics perpetuates until we heal and shift from subconscious patterns to conscious, present sensations.
The Messiah's tale, culminating in crucifixion and suffering, serves as a stark reminder of cruelty and forgiveness. Our psychological development remains nascent, for unmet childhood needs perpetuate societal cruelty. Humans, as mimetic creatures, perpetuate this cycle from generation to generation.
Thus, I ponder not grandiose missions, but the simple, profound act of living authentically, responsibly, and compassionately in the here and now.