It's usually not immediately apparent to us how the events of our childhood have impacted our adult lives. Childhood events did impact us, but because they occurred a long time ago we are not able to consciously recall many of them.
As individuals it will take us a long time to heal ourselves from the difficult early life experiences that left their marks on us. In the meantime we still have to live our lives, and as we do so we will yearn for love and companionship.
Sometimes we will fall in love and find ourselves in a relationship, but it's often the case that we don't really allow our partner to come into our heart. That might be because our defenses are too thick or the walls around our heart are too high.
It can be difficult to determine whether or not we've truly let a person in. The person we're in relationship with might be living outside the walls of our being. We might be having trust issues with them. We might be unconsciously fighting the processes of receiving their love and giving our love to them.
I’d like to describe a visualization exercise that I practice and that I recommend two others. I begin it by closing my eyes, visualizing my partner, inviting her into my heart, and thinking of all the pleasant things about her that make my life better.
I continue by visualizing that I’m breathing in the care that I have for her. I see myself sharing things, offering her things that will enhance her life, and exhaling fear. I breathe out negativity, and I breathe in love.
Perhaps this process sounds awkward or illogical. But I suggest you engage in it and not overthink it as you do so. Consider the fact that breathing is the single act that you must continually do to continue being alive. It stands to reason that if you engage your thoughts and emotions as you go into a focused breathing activity such as this that you will experience positive results.