Relationships are not just about companionship—they are a crucible for character development, a relentless practice in managing anxiety, stress, and our instinctive reactivity. They require us to master the delicate art of coexisting with another person, which is fundamentally different from the relative simplicity of living alone.
Perhaps the greatest obstacle we face in relationships is our innate self-centeredness. This is not a flaw but an evolutionary survival mechanism—an intrinsic part of what it means to be human. Yet, in the context of modern relationships, particularly monogamy and cohabitation, this self-preservation instinct can work against us. We are no longer creatures driven solely by transient, instinctual encounters. If our nature were purely that of "hit-and-run" mating—finding a partner, reproducing, and moving on—our species would not have thrived. Instead, we are biologically and psychologically wired for prolonged connection. The survival of our offspring has historically depended on cooperation, on the shared labor of nurturing and protection.
This means that, whether we recognize it or not, we are designed to stay—at least for a significant chapter of life. And staying requires adaptation. It demands that we recalibrate our self-centered tendencies, learning to share space without suffocating, to give without resentment, and to receive without resistance. It requires us to tolerate another’s habits, to unveil our own idiosyncrasies, and to accept that intimacy is not just about physical closeness but about emotional interdependence.
A relationship is not just a partnership—it is a mirror, revealing both our strengths and our shortcomings. It challenges us to evolve, to soften where we are rigid, to stretch where we are constrained, and to recognize that true connection is not found in control, but in the willingness to grow alongside another, despite and because of our imperfections.